Did you ever wonder
by Kia Vail-Kagami
Summary: One-sided Kenato and one-sided Taito. Also a little bit of Taiora. Contains death and suicide. Doesn't that sound like happy-ever-after?


Did you ever wonder

Oh my! This is my first fanfic in english that is actually going to be official. And my english is bad. Very bad. A friend of mine always tells me how horrible it'd be. Therefore I won't torture her by letting her corrige it. Sorry. Besides, this stoy contains one-sided Kenato, one-sided Taito and a thinny little bit of Taiora. So if you have a problem with Shonen-Ai/Yaoi as well as death and sucide, don't read. Otherwise, enjoy. (And please don't kill me for my bad grammar... ^^)

Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. If I would, Ken would never have married Miyako and Taichi would have killed Sora. (Sorry. I hate her.)

This story is told from Ken's POV.

Did you ever wonder

By Kia

Did you ever wonder what you would do after school? I guess you have. Everyone has dreams of what to do when he's older. At least as a child. Later you become more realistic. Desillusioned. That is when one dream after another is blown away like dust in the wind.

You can't save the world. It's so hard to do something good in this life. But you could a least try, couldn't you? It's always worth a try.

Did you ever wonder where you could go to, someday? Traveling around the world? Meeting many different people. Making new friends. Friends who care abaout you. Someone to love. Someone to love you.

I didn't want to leave here anytime soon, I admit. Maybe later, but not now. I had everything I wanted around me. Well, almost everything. I had my friends here, I even had that person I liked. Loved. Only, he never noticed. He could never look at me the way I looked at him. He looked right through me and only saw Taichi who saw only Sora. Taichi was so stupid. He never saw the angel that was right in front of him.

Did you ever tell him? Knowing you like I did, I don't think so. Too afraid to lose that friendship. Or you simply saw that you had no chance against Sora.

But who could actually think that? _She never had a chance against __you. Taichi must have been so blind to chose her over you. Or maybe it was because he isn't gay._

Look at me! I'm not gay, or at least I never thought I was, but even I fell in love with you. I never liked boys but with you, it's different. Personally I think you could have got everyone you wanted, girl or boy, if you'd only had the courage to tell them. But then again I never told you, so who am I to complain.

Did you ever wanted to have a family? You told me once you wouldn't. You told me a family'd be somthing that wouldn't last. And that you'd never want children that would only have to suffer world's crulity. You've alwasy been rather pessimistic. Always a little depressed. Or maybe a little more depressed.

But did you change your opinion? Would you have changed it if you'd met the right person? But your right person wasn't interested in you, not like this. If it'd only been me. I would have made you happy. If you'd only let me. But you didn't.

Did you ever wonder how your first kiss would feel like? I know that you had never kissed anyone, you'd told me so. I asked. I know you wanted it to be Taichi. You would never let anyone else kiss you. As much as I had wanted to. But you never knew that.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like to be 18?

Only a few more days and you would have known. But appearendly you didn't care.

I was one of the last to hear about it. Takeru had told Hikari and she had told Taichi. Then she had told Koshiro because Taichi hadn't been able to tell anyone. Koshiro had told Sora and Daisuke and they had told everyone else. I was one of the last.

We'd become closer in the past few years but nobody seemed to know about that. They hadn't even tought of me as one of your close friends. In the hospital I got the chance to hold your hand, only for a few minutes. Then Taichi came back after talking with the doctor and took back his place on your side. I let him. It was his place after all.

He was crying when I first came there but after talking with the doctor his eyes were dry, and empty. He came back and sat beside your bed, just staring at you, saying nothing. He didn't seemed to see or hear anything. Neither did I. I knew then that you wouldn't life to be 18. That you would never get your first kiss.

When my parents came to take me home I knew that I would never see you again. But it wasn't until very late that night that finally started to cry.

Did you ever wonder if people cared about you? If they could be sad when you're gone? That they could wonder why you chose to go?

If you did, than why did you do it? There was no letter, no anything. No explanation why. Only the blood on the carpet.

Did you care? If you'd seen Takeru's face at your funeral, you would. Or Taichi's, who only then started to realise what he had lost. He an Sora broke up shortly after, you know that? Maybe you two would have had a chance after all.

It's been one year. One year since you killed yourself. After another dream became dust in the wind.

The world became a little darker that day and has yet to find it's lost light. Everything seems to be cold and grey. This world isn't the same without you.

Everyone misses you, Yamato. Everyone is still sad, even after one year. Perhaps you already know that. And perhaps you just don't care.

Some of us will forget you after a while, and some would never. I. Takeru. Taichi. You should have told him. I should have told you. But neither of us did. And then you left us to regret it till the end of our lifes.

This world is dark and empty, but I hope that at least you are happy now, wherever you are. But somehow I can't really belive that.

Fallen angels aren't meant to be happy.

'Cause Heaven is too far to reach without wings.

-owari-

01.07.2001


End file.
